* * *

THE SIXTIES
all my life i have wanted to understand Love and God.     a close second was to be worthy of the first.     to this end i had a number of very personal experiences while growing up which were of a guiding nature.     i grew up very much alone, yet i did not feel lonely – only isolated.     i had a sense of being ‘born old’ and it often guided me in and out of potentials without a lot of fanfare – just a need to do this or go there.     it was not until my late twenties and early thirties that loneliness became a companion for a period.     often, while growing up, i was an avid church goer.     i would often seek out the experience of church aside from family and on my own volition.     but i never found avid sincerity in my personal experiences with the people i would find in the churches.     many such experiences were so lacking in mutual shared honesty that i felt blighted by it all – sort of like going to the zoo to see the animals and only finding puppets and some poor drawings of various creatures.     thus i would find myself at times resorting to appreciating normal people who could care less about church and god and more about life as they found it and enjoyed it.     at least they had real emotions and displayed a fullness with regard to their successes and failures.     some of these people even lived in small circles of people that were held together by actual comradeship – displaying a noticeable sense of all for one and one for all nature.     but over time i began to see that each class of people (the church goers and non-church goers) lacked what the other seemed to have.     the non-church type had a greater sense of human aliveness but lacked any deep sense of purpose or long term vision.     whereas, at least the church folks had the long term spiritual focus along with a philosophical construct for a road map to head in that direction, but they lacked animation – they cared about depth, but their depths were generally hollow and produced echoes.

then came the sixties.     i graduated from high school in 1967.     it was the ‘summer of love’ and i was living in california.     i was in southern california which was far more tame than the san francisco epicenter, but my exposure to the sign of the times lacked not for volume or personal atmosphere of what was happening.     there was a short period of time wherein a valid sense of brotherhood existed amongst anybody who was open to it.     for the first time in my life i experienced the commingling of comradeship and a spirit of honest personal introspection.     there was an attitude of open hearted expectation and willingness between people you had never even met.     it was kinetic.     but the purity did not last long and soon became polluted through impatience and self abuse.     the open use of drugs was the biggest pitfall.     the music (which i still remember as being fantastic) tended to over enamor caution with a collective willingness to experiment with options that seemed to be so freeing to the inner spirit.     the general need for inner validation was ever present because much of society was unsympathetic.     yet, at the time it felt as though anything was possible, especially goodness, freedom, respect for nature and the need to end all war through learning from the practice of love through peace.     with such a spontaneous group outpouring of conviction and dedication, the attitude was how could anything which picked up your sense of tempo be bad?   thus, for many, the concept of caution was non-existent… and although i felt i was a part of a generation that really could have changed the world, i think it fell on its face through self abuse.

in terms of events that were external to my own volition, the sixties were the most spiritually animated time of my life.     since then, nothing has risen that can compare to the wholesale collective spirit of brotherhood and hope.     but as the sense of collective hope and animated activity diminished to something of a has been, i began to wonder why?     what was that?     what happened and what did not happen?     and for me, i came up with an analogy that says that God is like one huge electro magnet, and we humans are like little iron filings.     and, if you had a bunch of iron filings on a table that were exposed to a descending large electromagnet, the little iron filings would start moving in an obvious collective pattern.     you could even shake the table to some degree and the pattern as affected by the magnet would prevail.     however, as you pulled the magnet away from the table while still shaking it, the iron filings would begin to loose the pattern that the magnet had imposed upon them.

it says in the bible, i believe in the book of mathew:   “many are called and few are chosen.”     i heard someone once interpret that as:   “those few who are chosen are those few who Choose To Stay, or those few who choose to accept the internal burden and effort to answer the needs and demands of The Call.     and to me, in view on my experiences, it was the lack of good personal discipline within the context of the collective euphoria that allowed the promise of my generation to fail in its potential.     anyone can appreciate a field of wild flowers as they bloom due to the blessing of an unusually wet and warm spring.     but it is a whole other thing to harvest the seeds from such a bounty and cultivate a comparable garden of flowers that are born of dedication, purpose and intent.

early on in my personal experiences during the sixties i noticed a bipolar nature to the external world around me.     of first import were my contemporaries, the members of my adopted subculture known as the ‘hipies’ and simply referred to here as ’round heads’.     then there were those people represented by the then establishment that i will refer to here as the ‘square heads’.     on the plus side the round heads were open hearted, given to spontaneous creative expression and willing to put the interests of others and nature on an equal basis with their own personal needs and desires – yet they were also undisciplined, did not always keep their commitments and their children and immediate families were sometimes neglected in a manner equal to their own personal neglect.     the square heads, however, went to work every day, paid their bills and generally kept food on the table.     but they not only lacked creativity, they stifled it.     the concept of a personal sense of inner individuality and spontaneity was threatening to their self imposed sense of order.     they fully embraced a human hierarchy in society and the work place.

thus, almost from the beginning i sought to take the best of what i admired of the qualities of both the round heads and the square heads.     i reasoned that it would be a good ideal to seek to combine and embody these qualities.     and so i tried.     but it came at a great personal cost because it soon meant that i was not accepted by either camp.     to get up and go to work every day, be responsible and not share in the use of any drugs made me untrustworthy to those i loved the most.     i would be suspected of being a narcotics investigator or really not “hip.”     yet, in the working world, to show up at the work place flaunting long hair, talking about god, social change and eating nuts and berries for snacks was something to be laughed at and beat up for.     furthermore, i just figured that if i was going to try and honor god in my efforts i would necessarily need to example such in how i performed my job.     i figured that if Jesus had actually been a carpenter, then he was probably the best one in town out of a natural desire to honor His depth of inner creativity.     so here i was, the guy with long hair, eating nuts and berries and soon doing my job as good or better than anyone else.     and i got my face kicked in more than once for that.

so…. is life fair?     the kabbalah says that our trials and tribulations are finite but our rewards are infinite… that living truth is a member of the World to Come.     and the message of the Cross invokes the same conclusions.     but is that fun?     well… it has not been much fun as of yet.

* * *

JESUS
when i was about four there was this round wooden plaque hanging on the wall in my bedroom.     it was shaped in the form of a ship’s steering wheel with wooden handles radiating out from the edges of the solid round center.     and the center was a picture of a little boy in a big yellow rain coat standing at a similar looking steering wheel of a small boat in a big stormy ocean.     the waves were as big or bigger than the boat, the skies were dark and rainy.     standing behind the little boy was a very calm looking Jesus who had one of his arms outstretched over the boy’s shoulder with a finger pointing which way the boy should try and steer his little boat.

one day i was looking up at that plaque because it, the room and i all became quite animated or alive with expansive energy.     and as i was looking at that plaque i came to realize that little boy was me, that the boat and the storm was my life and that Jesus was Real.

that experience has been with me my whole life.     furthermore, i have had it reinforced many times by Him appearing in my life to tell me things or warn me or to have Him just say:   “Follow Me.”     and i will get to some of that in a minute.     but first i would just like to say that this has all been a lot more hard than it has been either fun or exciting.     and to explain that i just have to say that between Him and the big angry ocean is that little boy – which is me.     what i have come to reason from all of that is the fact that the whole exercise of life is to allow us to Grow.     meaning that life is a four letter word and He is here to show us the Way – not to insulate us from our growth pains.     it is up to us to grow through and with our lessons.     and if we don’t “get it” for a while, then we “get it” later at ‘some other time’.     like most people, i think that it would be nice to be perfect, but i think ‘perfection’ is more of a process of at-one-ment than a process of self realized ego.     it is a lot like what i have found to be true about chakra language.     there are no nouns or verbs to that language.     i have a whole page on my chakra experiences which is quite a growing experience, so i won’t try and elaborate on that here.

sooo…   just How Does One Follow Him?     the best answer i have to that question is to try and Understand Him along with Seeking.     and the more Personal you can make that effort, the better.     in my experiences regarding Him there has been two classes.     the first is one of experiencing His Actual Presence with or without actually seeing Him and or hearing His Actual Voice.     i cannot actually recall seeing Him AND hearing Him at the same time because when i have seen Him face to face, there is So Much Energy coming through His Eyes that i don’t know if my ears could keep up with that or not.     any of these types of experiences are fairly dramatic, or alarming to experience.     they stay with me in a timeless fashion.     it is as if there in your normal memory for whatever happens in your life which is sort of fragile… sort of comes and goes.     then there is this zone that just seems to always be active, sort of universal.     people often say about their memory regarding certain things… that when they think about it, or have it reminded to them for some reason, that they always remember when and where they were when it happened as if all of their senses regarding time and place and all of their emotions and thoughts at that moment in time are still active within the context of that memory.     sort of like it happens in a movie that has a lot of flash backs.     a certain music will start to play, and then you wills start to see some nice scenery, and then you will hear some voices, and then you will start to see people… and then, it is not like a memory, it is like you are living it again.     so, having these types of experiences regarding Him have been like that – very full.

the second class of experiences are what i would call “Leading Experiences”.     experiences which led me into activities that involved me taking steps that would enhance and or change my assumptions about Him and Life.     sometimes these experiences would come about because they ‘just happened’ and sometimes they would come about through my asking or praying that i be shown whether something was worthy or not.     the point i am wanting to make here is that there are a lot of things that i have come to accept in my life which were or are unorthodox and or paranormal – meaning that you will not find it in the Bible and probably never hear about it in most church settings.     and the biggest core of these types of experiences had a lot to do with the Edgar Cayce readings and source material.

the first book that i read about Cayce was called There Is A River.     reading that book was a whole experience in itself and i will cover that as another experience somewhere on this page.     but long after i had digested that book and its associated experiences as a positive thing, i still had questions about how much i could really trust it.     so my goal was to go to the A.R.E. in Virginia Beach which is where his organization, his legacy and all the readings were still located.     i wanted to go there and dig into the source material and get a feeling about what those readings actually said about Jesus as a test for figuring out how much i could trust that material as a whole.     being only 18ish and adventuresome i left california hitch hiking in the late 1960’s and went by way of Maine to get to Virginia to ‘see the sites’ and experience the country.     and on my way down from Maine i got stuck in Pennsylvania for a year.     my mother and sister were living there and i stopped in for a visit.     while there i found out that i was in trouble with the military draft because i had not answered their requests due to the fact that i had been traveling and did not know they had asked for me.     so i was required to stay where i was until they figured out what to do with me and that took a whole year to play itself out.

so one weekend during the winter, while stuck there in Pennsylvania, i drove down to virginia to exercise my quest for knowledge of Jesus from the standpoint of the Edgar Cayce readings.     it was late 1968.     and when i got there i was quite disappointed with the A.R.E. organization.     they were occupying the nice old hospital building that had been built in the 1920’s and the big fancy library had not yet been built.     thus, when you arrived there, you had no means of being able to research the readings.     furthermore, if you wanted to sit down with somebody and talk to them about the readings, they had nothing to offer.     all they had to offer a pilgrim like myself was a small 8′ x 12′ book store that had a lot of little pamphlets and books about the readings.     so, after a few thousand miles and a lot of effort, i found myself in and out of that place in about forty minutes.     but i got some really nice little pamphlets which were basically compilations of the source material of the Edgar Cayce readings.     and one of the half dozen pamphlets was a sixty some page booklet entitled Jesus and a sampling of the what Edgar Cayce had said about Him.     so my trip did not feel like a total dry run.     and on my way out of the front door i ran into a guy who did not work there and was willing to talk.     it was about 10 am when i met him and we did not stop talking until 4 am the next day in the living room of his little apartment.     i got a little rest afterwards and drove back to pennsylvania.

i got back late at night and had to go to work the next morning.     i lived in an old row house that backed up to the railroad tracks.     it was a building of hippies and i lived on the second floor.     there was only one shared bathroom which was located in the hall between apartments and it had not heat in it.     it was the middle of february and Very cold.     i ran a tub of hot water for a late night bath.     this was the first moment that i had had to investigate my prize – that 60+ page booklet about Jesus from the readings.     i lived in a shared apartment and could not read in bed without disturbing others and had to get up early and go to work.     so i got into the hot water in that freezing bathroom and took a short look into what was said in that little booklet.     the next thing i knew was that i was done reading the last page of those 60+ pages and started to become aware of where i was.     and if found myself in this totally Freezing bath water in this totally Freezing bathroom.     i had sat there in that tub and read every page!     i had No Idea of how long i had been there.     i am a totally cold blooded guy from southern california who needs at least three coats to go outside in the pennsylvania winter… and there i was sitting in a bathtub of freezing water for some undetermined amount of time and had not had the slightest idea of ever being cold until i had finished reading what the Edgar Cayce readings had said about Jesus.     and as i struggled to get out of that freezing water, all i could say and think to myself was:   “I guess that means that those readings pass the Jesus test.”

and for years and years after that, those readings have always continued to pass the Jesus test for me.     i have learned So Much, been So Moved so often in my life to live a better life because of the consistent method, attitude and thoughtfully inspiring Christ message in those readings.     and, the reason i am saying this is that i would encourage Anyone who would like to know more about Jesus within a living context for their life to pursue such research.     in doing so it has greatly helped to seed the clouds of my life with living waters of understanding which i am very confident has been a reason why i have had so many Jesus experiences.     i would say that it is sort of like:   If you want a suntan, go to the beach on a hot day in your swim suit.

however, i can’t say that i have ever really found anybody else that has had a similar path.     it seems to me that most all ‘Jesus’ people are very literal about it, are only willing to read the bible and talk to the people who go to church and think the same kind of thoughts.     furthermore, most paranormal type people seem to want to read the next strangest ‘far-out’ thing and see Jesus and Christianity as ‘old potatoes’. well…. i disagree with both approaches.     i have grown greatly from bouncing back and forth between both Jesus and many things paranormal.     for me i have found that each is needed in order to both expand and ground my understanding of the other.     in my reading of the New Testament i find that Jesus was so far beyond the understandings of the apostles, that i think it is a matter of close mindedness to believe that their limited accounts of the life and times of Jesus is or could be the whole story.     furthermore, by about 300 AD anything or anybody who did not agree with ‘the church’ was either burned, killed or destroyed.     i have also found that Any religious or spiritual repository of how to live a meaningful life has much good in it.     this has been hard on me at times because i find that to be open hearted about my life to people in either camp can be quite difficult.     so i often just keep my mouth shut because i am not excited about offending anybody.     and, in a manner of speaking, i think that concern about offending people has a lot of importance because i think spirituality is or can be the most Personal subject in someones life.     some of the concepts and things i now take for granted have caused me So Much inner struggle in the past, that i just cannot see telling anybody else how to believe.     so life is priceless and all spirituality is sacred.     and with respect to my non-biblical type experiences, all i know to say is that Jesus has some pretty funny looking friends who do a lot of things quite different that the baptists or the catholics.     and i ask:   “Who am I to judge Him?”     so i go through my life trying understand.

* * *

PLACE
over the last twenty years or so i have come to notice that each town or local within a larger city seems to be governed by a varying hierarchy of beings, consciousnesses, types of energies, forces, etcetera.     like the body, the earth seems to have its own chakra forces and i think that this fact along with the various layers of consciousnesses plays into why this town or that place has ‘good vibes’ for this or that kind of life style or attitude.     thus i am beginning to see that one should be aware of these attributes of life force energies and consider when choosing to live here or there for either this reason or that.     sort of like how it would not be a very good idea to plant a pineapple grove outside of denver, colorado; or live in florida if snow skying was an important aspect to your life.

most of my experiences which have led me to these conclusions have stayed with me in a fashion much more clear than the physical aspects of a given place.     and i have found that these more spiritual dimensions or aspects of a given place or environment do not always harmonize with or are directly reflected by the inhabitants of that place.     it is almost as if the resident people are somewhat a secondary or transient aspect to the deeper and more true nature of that place.     part of what has been obvious to me with regard to the differences between the manifest nature of a place and the more spiritual is the sense of time that each tends to live or exist by.   the upper energies and focus seems to be much more long term that the whims and goals of the physical realities.

now, what controls all of this i don’t have much of a clue.     but i can say that one of the most spiritually kind and attentive places i have ever visited was Savannah, Georgia.     there was such a quality of deep spiritual attentiveness, an unhurried focus, a quality of empathetic and compassionate energies that underwrote a natural sense of healing that i found myself wanting not to leave and always thinking how it would be nice to return to some day.     no other place has been as unobtrusively attentive.     portland oregon is a place for forward moving social consideration in such an obvious manner that many who live there seem to me to take advantage of it as if they themselves are the ‘in crowd’ just because they live there.     because such energies are easier to express there, i found that many abuse its use and cop an attitude of personal self importance rather than discipline the self towards being more efficient than cute about it.     a little south and west of mount shasta i ran into a collective consciousness of native american types that was so well organized, so geometrically formed, so self assured that i could not help to feel encouraged by it.     i was approached by a very important native chief type masculine energy personage to consider living there with the promised help of doing some really great things.   both portland oregon and bisbee arizona approached me by a female representative.     often times there is no such personalization which even gives me a clue about the presence of a who or what that seeks to affect me and my consciousness.     there is a place (that i do not want to name) in arizona that is by far the darkest such environ with respect to such energies and consciousnesses.     in that place i have been literally attacked by a huge inter dimensional spider and had beings try and forcibly enter into my energy field or temple (if you will).     other things have happened there which i seriously question.     the huge spier thing went on for a good week and really drained my energies in attempting to survive it.     the experience was so demanding and beyond my capacity to deal with that i withdrew from trying to figure what to do about it.     i went into a mode of becoming personally really small and gave myself over to the Christ and let those two decide what was going to happen to me.     after about a day or two the spider cleared out of there and my normal energy pattern returned.

* * *

CIRCLE OF LIGHT
one day when i was three years old i was on my tricycle a little ways down the street from my house.     the street had that older style design where there is a landscape strip between the sidewalk and the curb for the roadway.     most people planted grass in that strip and some people even planted trees in that area.     in this area i had found a hose that was gurgling out water at the base of a tree.     and… i had nudged the front wheel of my tricycle into that stream of water in such a way as to make the gurgling noise very enjoyable to my ear.     while being very relaxed with my arms sort of draped around the handle bars of the tricycle and my forehead resting upon my forearms, i began to become conscious of the fact that someone was drawing a circle around me on the ground.     as the circle was getting close to being completed i looked up from my tricycle to see that the circle was being drawn on the ground by some kind of a golden white light.     and once that circle of light was completed a cone of energy appeared which began at the base of this circle and reached its apex as a small hole in the sky high above me.     and then i was conscious of being sucked or lifted up into and through that whole in the sky at the top of the cone.

i do not know where it was that i went. i only know that the experience was very compelling, stimulating and validating.

*

i began to have reoccurring installments of that experience in my mid twenties.     the first one happened when i was about twenty-one or two.     i had been living in virginia beach and married for a rear or so.     the marriage was not progressing real well and i had been advised by my mentor at the time to move to a place like phoenix arizona because it would be a new place for her and i and therefore give the marriage a clean slate that did not have any past or local trapping for either her or i to hang onto.     that all we would ahve was each other and the need to make it in the world and that that should make for a hopefully positive and uncluttered atmosphere to grow and expand within.     but i had these deep feelings that seemed to tell me that i had a real soul purpose for being in virginia beach.     so, as we were driving out of town and heading east on hwy 64 i was thinking and worrying about this sense of inner purpose.     then i had that circle appear around with the cone of energy going upwards into the sky and a voice spoke to me from within that cone.     it said:   “do not worry.     go to arizona and live your life.     when it is time to come back here, you will.”

well… that was certainly good enough for me… i was not expecting such a hollywood answer to my concerns, but it certainly dispelled any sense of regret about going on to arizona.

about three plus years later i had huge astral dreams and a lot of guidance to go back to virginia beach.     lost my job at the same time and was offered a good one in virginia beach.     put our house up for sale without a relator and it sold within one week.     and bingo, in startling fashion i was on my/our way back to virginia beach.   it is a long drive and we are doing it in a nice two year old chevy station wagon and pulling the largest trailer that U-Hall rents.     and… while heading west on hwy 64 i get the circle of light and cone experience again.     it is so amazing to have this happen and i find myself looking around as i am experiencing the whole cone thing when i happen to notice this older 1966 chevy Biscayne car coming towards me driving east as i am driving west.     i am thinking to myself: “hey, that looks a Lot like the car we use to own.”     and it is pulling the same kind of small U-Hall trailer that we pulled behind us some three plus years ago.     and as i get a closer look as our two vehicles pass each other i can see that it is ME driving that other car with the family in there as it was at that time!!!!     i cannot tell you how strange that was to be seeing in real time myself driving a the car down the road that i was driving – some three plus years before.     a Total Time Warp.     it was me in one cone experience seeing myself in another cone experience and having the two different times happening at the same time.

*

that was not the last of the cone experiences for me.     some of them are So Personal that i would not know how to share them with Anybody.     but the last one i had i did not do what they told me to do.     they reinforced the message one more time after that and i still did not follow the advice.     after that i never had the experience happen again.

* * *

FRIENDS
i use to have these friends that would come visit at night – an owl and a raven.     the cloths closet had a shelf up above the rack where you hang your cloths.     the coset was in one corner of the bedroom and the back righthand corner of the closet went beyond what you could see when looking through the door.     the two birds would walk along that shelf from the back area until they were visible and we could see each other.     the owl was always first and on the left while the raven was to the right as i would be looking at them.     then they would just sit there and they would talk to me through their eyes.     i don’t ever remember what they said, but i could feel them saying things to me.     their eyes were So Active.     there would be So Much energy coming through their eyes to me through my eyes.

then one night i made the mistake of telling my mother about my friends.     well, she got all upset and said that there was nobody like that in the closet.     then she walked over to the closet, slammed the door shut and left the room in a huff.     that night i had a dream that told me that there was a small magic door that was in the wall of the closet and that it went out side of the house.     and in the dream i could see this door going into the closet that was just high enough so the birds could get through it.     but one day i was playing outside in the back yard and happened to look up at the wall to the right of the window to my bedroom.     and i noticed that there was no door in the wall where the closet was.     so then i realized that those two birds could not get in and that i would not see them any more.     i remember feeling alone when i realized that.

* * *

PLANETARY SYMBOLS
i had an experience near Portland a few years ago where i was driving and making a right turn at a large intersection.     standing on the corner were three or four adolescent girls and two mothers.     as i started to make my turn i saw in a flash that each one of these people had a solar system above each of their heads.     each system was different, had a different number of planets that were different colors and different sizes.     furthermore, as each person in the group would interact or say something to another, the structure of these solar systems would change somewhat – some planets would increase in size, or a planet or two would appear or disappear.

* * *

SANTA CLAUS
speaking of my mother i am reminded of another story from when i was about four years old.     we had gone to the big department store on Hawthorne Blvd. to see Santa Claus.     it was this whole bid deal where he was sitting up on top of this big platform with lots of steps leading up to where he was.     then us kids would stand in a line going up these steps while waiting for our turn to tell him what we wanted for Christmass.     but i noticed that next to the big ramp that had all the steps that we kids were on, there was another more narrow ramp where there were all these adult parents.     and each time a kid would get up on santa’s lap and tell him what they wanted for Christmass, there were the parents LISTENING to everything that was said!     that seemed Really suspicious to me that they were listening in on the conversation.     then, when it was my turn, and i was talking with santa i started looking at his beard and noticed that it was Fake.     so those two things were playing over and over in my mind as meaning to me that Something was Not Right.     furthermore, after we left the big department store and went out on the sidewalk of Hawthorn Blvd. there was a big parade that we could watch as it went down the street towards our right.     and low and behold, there was this big float going down the street with Santa Claus sitting up there in a big fancy chair waving at everybody.     Well, i knew that we had Just Left the big store and the he was still in there talking to kids.     so, how could he be in there talking to all them kids and ALSO be out here going along in a big parade at the same time?     so, as we all got back into the car to go home, my mind was getting more and more serious about the fact that none of this made any good sense.

that night, when my mother came into the room to say good night or something, i put it to her that i did not think that santa claus was real and that the whole thing was a big lie.     and she was not happy about that, but did not know what to say.     so, she just said that i was right.     and then i told her that i did not think the tooth fairy was real either.     and then she just got all upset and very angrily said that i had better not tell my sister.     :-)

* * *

HUGGED BY A TREE
in my working years i was a land surveyor.     doing property boundaries was an important part of that work, but construction surveying is what by and large paid the bills for the bigger surveying companies.     what is construction surveying?     every road, every pipe under the road, every inch of curb, gutter and sidewalk, as well as every street light and fire hydrant along the road was staked out on the ground by a surveyor so that the people whole build those things know not only where to build it, but at what elevation to build it.     this also goes for every parking lot and every building and every house anywhere.     and, when you build a residential subdivision in what was a forest, before anybody can go in there and do anything, the surveyor has to go in an mark which trees have to be removed so that they can build the roads and eventually each house.    

in about 1976 i was in charge of all the layout work for a small subdivision in Hampton Roads, Virginia.     the entire property was completely forested.     and the first thing that has to be accomplished is a boundary survey so that you can know the limits of the site and then do a topographic survey so that the contours of the land can be know by the designers for purposes of drainage and such.     therefore, before any construction is done, the surveyor basically walks and measures the entire site.     doing that for this site was extremely different than most such experiences i have ever had.     there was something very demented and cloaked about that forest.     haunted would be a better description.     there were places in that forest that was So Infested with spiders that you sort of had to cut a tunnel through the webs to get anywhere.     i got bit so many times by various kinds of and chiggers and whatnot, that it was pretty much horrible.     i had one spider bite that eventually turned about a nickel sized spot on my right thigh completely black.     that spot on my leg completely died and fell out leaving an inward pointing cone going down into my leg.     and there were snakes in there also – rattle snakes for sure.     although this is about getting hugged by a tree, early on i got attacked by one.     at times you have to cut a line of site through the forest.     at one point a tree limb had gotten stressed, and when i released the stress it sprung loose and it me in the face just below the left eye and making a hole there which had to be stitched closed because much of the meat over the cheek bone had been smashed to nothing.

i bother to cite some of the physical irregularities and experiences as a means to give a sense of background to the darker spirit side of the site.     over time i became aware that the place was serious repository of very dark discarnate entity energy.     there were dead entities there that were so trapped into a state that it was like there were frozen in time within their karma.     for those who are not experienced in such things, i will say that if you are overly attached to the constraints of your life here on earth, you do not move on to ‘a better place’ when you die.     such entities are said to be ‘earth bound’.     it is this scenario which is the back drop to what are referred to as ghosts.     however, usually these beings are just sort of stuck here in a general sort of way and can move around if they wish.     they might stay around or in the house in which they died, but that is a function of insecurity to one degree or another.     but the entities attached to this particular site that i was doing surveying at were in a far worse state than a normal ghost.     they were so entrenched in the dark energy that they were caught up in that is was as if they almost totally lost and lifeless within the darkness that had possession of them.     over time i got the inference that their physical demise had something to do with the civil war.     that somehow within the spirit of that activity these souls had become caught up in a river of personal and group karma that was connected and sourced to something far deeper and darker than even the war itself.

over time i came to realize that i was there for the reason of bringing a sense of healing liberation to that karmic entanglement.     for those who have studied or read much of the New Testament, there is the story of when Jesus healed the blind man by reaching down to the earth and bringing up some mud and rubbing it into the eyes of the man.     the Edgar Cayce readings state that the reason He did the mud thing was as a means to ground the spiritual energies that He as using to heal the man’s eyes.     that He sort of infused the mud with spiritual force and thus made it so that the mud was like a heat pad so to speak of spiritual force.     well, i bother to site that as a way of explaining that i came to realize while working that job that there was quite a collection of forces that were seeking to bring light and healing to the dark condition that these souls were trapped within.     and like the mud for that man’s face, i was being used as a grounding agent in order to complete the circuit of spiritual light into the dimension of earth.     this was a necessary feature because the darkness of the entrapping energy of these souls was so profound that it had taken possession of a part of the earth itself as evidenced by the density of the spiders and certain tree formations and such.

the whole process of this experience took some time to play itself out.     but there was a day of culmination that was so spectacular that i Have to share it as a message of Hope to anybody.     off to the right of the long entrance road was a cul-de-sac that had been cleared into the trees.     it was pretty much the end of the work day.     the sky was a healthy blue and the sun was warm and bright.     and in that clearing were a collection of negro men who part of the tree clearing crew that were splitting up wood to take home for wood heating come winter.     these men were full of a natural joy as they would take turns with the ax and sort of dance the chinks of wood into pieces.     i will never forget this one blessed fellow.     he would take the sharp side of the ax and score the top of an upright 18″ or so section of tree.     usually that meant that he would score an “X” into the exposed grain.     then he would simply step backwards a little, turn the ax so that he could hit the wood with the blunt head of the ax, and the he would bring that ax down and just sort of musically ‘bounce’ that ax right onto the scored mark he had made into the wood.     and when i said that ‘bounced’ that ax, it was as if he was Henry Arron with a bat and was flicking energy into that ax handle through the use of his wrists and thus into that log.     and with one blow after scoring each section of log, each log section would just fall into four or more pieces of split wood just as pretty as a flower splitting itself into petals.     it was just SO amazing to watch him do that.     it was like watching a dance of musical force being used to accomplish work in the physical plane of materiality.     and in a spirit of appreciation for the joy of life as was being expressed by this group of negro men… i found myself relaxing with a sense of peace as i raised my eyes up towards the heights of the trees which now bordered the circled clearing in the woods.     and as i did, my eyes fell upon a dead tree limb which had fallen from the height of a tall tree and been caught in a demented upper split of a shorter tree.     and this fallen limb had been caught by this shorter tree in such a way as to have formed a Christian Cross just as perfect as you ccould have ever planned if that was a symbol you wee wishing to create.     and… as if that was not enough… in the moment that i had happened to raise my sight up from the joyful activities of those men, there was a dove resting on the horizontal crossing limb just as you see in those pictures and graphics that show a bird sitting upon a Cross as a universal symbol pf Peace.     and as i stood there leaning up against my truck and taking the joy of the men, the warmth of the afternoon, the sunny beautiful blue sky and that spectacular natural symbol of Peace, i came to know in my heart that a True Healing had been brought to that forest that had been plagued by untold darkness for so long.

i will always be thankful to the joy in those men.     it are people like that that carry the weight of the earth towards the day when a greater day of liberation will be available to all of us who have waited seeemingly endlessly for its Light and Promise.

i know i titled this section about being hugged by a tree… but as i began to type out my thoughts i remembered the context of that experience and felt that should have its place in this story.     when the crews come to clear the forests of the trees for the roads and such, they bring these really large bulldozers.     and they use these big machines to dig down into the ground with the blade of the bulldozer and then force the tree up and out of the ground by the roots.     it is really amazing just how strong these machines can be.     well, the streets had long been cleared of their trees and the bigger pieces of equipment had been hauled off when i had been asked to stake out a small drainage channel.     the channel was not very wide, but it had caught the attention of a large tree that was going to have to be removed before the channel could be excavated.     i was asked to stake it for clearing and hang around to lay out the grade stakes so that the channel itself could be constructed.     but all they had left on the site was a small dozer – about the size of a D3.     and that was just not much of a match for that big tree.     the operator eventually gave up on trying to dig out all of the roots so that he could push over the tree because the tree just would not give up.     so he began another tactic by building a ramp of dirt higher and higher up the side of the tree so that he could try using the leverage height in pushing over the tree.     but even this was not working very well and he was resorting to going up that dirt ramp over and over and literally ramming that tree each time.     well… this eventually got to me because it was so depressing to see this great tree being subjected to such torture.     i mean… it was bad enough that the tree had to be sacrificed in the name of progress, but having to watch this continued brutality was beyond the limits of my heart.     i was feeling like going and asking somebody to intervene and wait till they could go and get a proper sized piece of equipment to do the job…   when…   all of a sudden i became aware that this other tree that i was leaning up against while having all these thoughts had a ‘presence’ all of its own.     i became aware that this tree had its own spirit and that this spirit was manifesting itself to me.     as it did, it sort of withdrew from the trunk of the actual tree and reached out and began to give me a hug while saying the words:   “It is ok. Everything is all right. You do not have to worry about it.”     then the tree spirit disappeared back into the tree and i was stunned.     and all i could think was if this tree was ok with it… then who am i to argue?     i was just so touched, that i came to feel that there are obviously aspects to life that i am just not generally privy to, and that beyond the base nature of this place things must obviously be a lot more magical… or something.

* * *

AFRICAN AMERICANS
i grew up white in california – mostly in southern california with a couple stints in the north.     i was definitely a product of the middle class and black neighborhoods were mostly something you drove through once in a while to get somewhere.     i knew some black people now and then, but it was never a staple in my life.     i wish it had been different because the blacks that i have known (as well as the Hispanics) are some of the most down to earth and friendly people i have met.     so much more real and unpretentious.     when they smile it is such a warmer experience to be a part of than the smiles of the general folk that i knew while growing up.     in the sixties the term we used for blacks was ‘brother’.     i am not sure how that started, but it always felt nicer to refer to them or say hello to someone as ‘brother’ than in some other less becoming manner.     but it was not till i got to virginia beach, virginia and started living and working there in the late sixties that i had much experience with their plight in life.     and of course, virginia beach is in the very southern corner of the state and almost into north carolina.     so it is not the deep south, but it certainly is not new york.     and i decided to write this little section when doing the section about being hugged by a tree because of how i was touched by the nature of their reality – a reality that normal white america just does not fathom.     therefore, i feel it deserves some respect and honest observation.

i arrived in virginia to live in mid 1969 after visiting during the winter of ’68.     i was an Edgar Cayce pilgrim.     there were many of us who arrived in the late sixties and through the mid 70’s.     most of us were considered as hippies because of dress, appearance and habits.     none of us had any money and we often shared houses and were big on natural foods and such.     and in that day and time, in that part of the country, being a male hippy type and having long hair… i started to find out pretty quickly what it was sort of like to be black.     the only real difference at times seemed to be that i could cut my hair and the blacks could not.     and although that made it worse in some ways, i felt a little guilty thinking that made me somehow equal to the plight of the black population.     but i say it was sort of worse because when some of the red necks would see somebody like me with long hair, it was like setting off a fire alarm.     to them, people like myself were ‘pushing the envelope’ and needed to be put in our place.     whereas, the black people already knew where their place was and did not need much attention unless they stepped out of line.   because of such goings on, i got beat up twice and had my life threatened.     but fortunately this WAS Virginia Beach and not the deep south because virginia beach was a resort town.     and even though the place rolled up its side walks in the winter, the place was packed with ‘foreigners’ from northern states in the summer.     as well, there are a lot of Large military installations in the area.     therefore, the red neck population were not the majority of the semi human species that occupied the town.

until i got there and began working in construction, the idea of the Ku Klux Klan (KKK) was something out of the movies or somewhat fictional.     but friends of mine had gone and rented a small place out in the country a little bit.     they had found an inexpensive little house in Chesapeake with a fair amount of land and were excited about having a garden.     however, the dream did not last too long because some advice giving policemen came to the door one day and told them that they best move back to wherever it was that they came from because they could not guarantee their personal safety.     then a few nights later some hooded men came to the front yard and yelled out that they better get out of town, erected a small cross and proceeded to set it on fire.     so they packed up all their stuff and moved out.

then, not long after i started working in construction i met this guy who was a manhole setter.     his name was Jack George.     he was one big guy.     a manhole setter was a guy who finished off the tops of a sewer manhole to the grade set by the surveyor so that the cast iron manhole ring that held the cast iron manhole cover could be set in place to the height of the soon to be paved roadway.     in those days all manholes were built out of red bricks, so he would finish off the top of the manhole into a cone that came to the right diameter and height to accept the ring.     now… the big deal about Jack was that he was such a strong guy that he would pick up the cast iron ring and set it all by himself.     and they ARE Heavy.     most people use a backhoe to left them up and set them.     but Jack George was a walking backhoe.   aside from his huge square shoulders and physical strength, there was another noticeable characteristic that set him apart from other men.     he had a big deep scar running down the right side of his face.     and he got that scar because members of the local Ku Klux Klan had tried to kill him.     the story goes that he had been the local head dragon or something who had come to a change in conscience.     and i guess it was no small change because he had willingly been a witness in some congressional hearings that were conducted for the purpose of looking into the practices of the Klan.     so, this had made him into a traitor and the local Klan folk had tried to rub him out.     his wife and children were living out of state up in Ohio or some such place.     so that was just another incidence for me of the fact that the concept of ‘southern hospitality’ was a discretionary thing.

but social confrontation is only one aspect of the cultural divide between whites and blacks in america.     a lot of noise is made about living standards, but it is one thing to hear about it and a whole other thing to witness it first hand.     my surveying career progressed quite well because i became known for quality work and i was very good in the mathematics.     i did a lot of construction staking, but was often the one put in charge of large boundary surveys because they carried a high level of company liability.     and as the subdivision boom kept expanding out into the country, the old country roads were always needing to be widened in order to carry all of the new suburbia traffic.     and since the old country road right-of-way widths were not sufficient to allow these roads to be built, the land had to be acquired from the property owners who bordered upon the improved roadways.     usually this just meant getting slices of land from large farmers.     but some of the time it was much more complicated because the road might be passing along in front of a small old residential section.     when this occurred, the city would have to buy the needed width of land from each property owner.     this was a big deal from a surveying standpoint because a boundary survey had to be done on each lot so that remainder plats could be drawn which showed the before and after boundary lines.     furthermore, all permanent structures and permanent improvements such as paved driveways and walkways had to be located through surveying methods so that they could be drawn up on various maps.     thus, this was quite an involved process and required the surveyor to not only have to access every aspect of every lot, but he had to also interact with the property owners in order to secure permissions for times of access and so forth.     some times this included presenting some forms to be filled out and signed by the property owner.

on two occasions that i was put in charge of such roadway survey projects that passed through little road side hamlets of black housing areas.     these were really just small strips of land along the side of the road which backed up to large farms and were probably leftover housing areas from an original time when the residents were maybe farm workers.     but whatever the true history was, these were definitely outcast housing areas that were not adjacent to any commercial amenities of any kind. they had every appearance of just being out of the way places for unwanted human being to survive in.     and when i use the words ‘to survive in’, i mean just that.     these were often some of the most dilapidated shacks that i could have wanted to imagine.     to sit here these many years later and go back there in my mind just makes me sad.     we are talking very old wooden structures with wooden siding with cracks between and in the wood.     we are talking houses leaning precariously on crumbling rock foundations.     we are talking about porches that looked to be falling off.     we are talking about bad roofing and muddy yards and driveways.     we are talking about wood heat and sometimes wood cooking.     we are talking about very poor living conditions in an area that gets winters that were always too cold for me and gets lots of rain.     every day and each time i would go back there to do this work my heart would just go out to these people… and yet, not only could i not do anything about their plight, i was working as part of the establishment that did not care in the least about them and was in the process of running over their front yards with a big fancy road so that more well to do middle class whites could live in brand new houses and zoom by each day in their nice new cars.     one day i had to take some kind of a form in a sealed envelope to a property owner in one of these areas.     i made my way through the fence and through the chickens in the front yard to the front door.     at the door i had to ask for some lady that was the owner of the property.     a large man invited me inside and i waited in the living room for her.     he came back pushing a wheel chair that was occupied by an extremely old and very thin woman.     i do not know if it was because i was there representing some government deal about her land, but both of them were unbelievably polite – almost servitude in attitude.     it made me feel ashamed.     but the real shocker for me was that as i handed her the envelope, she reached out with her right hand and arm to accept it.     and as she did i could not help but notice that she was wearing a couple of animal flea collars on her right wrist.     and as i politely said goodbye and was walking out of that house with its very modest furnishings, i could not help but imagine just how many years of dogs and cats and other creatures had been living in that house with that woman with the flea collars…

these people are from a time and a place that basically said to them:   “This is your place.     Live with it.”     because if they didn’t, or if they were to do too much to improve things it would be as it they were ‘putting on airs’.     for people who are born spoiled relative to these people, such a cultural and economic boundary is a consciousness that is not even fathomable… let alone understood with any real sense of compassion or empathy.     and these people not only knew that, but they knew it so well that it was not as if it was even optional.     it was just the way it was.     and by that, i mean that it was not as if they were in a five block section of town where as soon as they crossed over one more street in any direction they would find themselves in an obviously different world of right, privilege and success.     no…. they were in a their own quiet world that was afar off from any other example of life etiquette, happenstance or style.     the only world they knew was the quiet farms or forest that surrounded them.     and the road that went by their place for the previous hundred years or so rarely had anybody driving down it until the suburban boom of the 1970’s.     so they were living in a heritage of consistency that totally just involved themselves, their families, their little gardens, chickens if they had them, their dog, their need for wood in the winter and so on.     that was their life and they lived it with all the grace and acceptance and religion and inner music that they were capable of feeling.     in some ways they were not even conscious of the fact that they were overly compromised.     this was home.

i either read somewhere or saw in a movie where Christ was hauling His heavy Cross up the hill towards its resting place.     and somewhere along the way He stumbled a little under the weight of it.     and out of the mocking crowd of onlookers stepped a black man, who, for a moment in time, helped Him lift His heavy Cross while He regained His footing.     and i have often thought that whether or not that was something that actually happened that day… that in life… that in our world… in a symbolic sense… that portrayed happening is probably as true as any music has ever been true in any song that has ever been sung.     and however much things are the way they are or have been, and however much things could or should be better in the life and times of this world… i once met a man named Jack George who had heard a new song in his head one day and had a change of heart… and was willing to defend that song as he had happened to hear it.     sooo… even though life may seem to be happening too slowly to me… life is happening and i wish i could remember that more often.

* * *

OUT OF CONTROL
when i was writing out the section about african americans i kept remembering about the riots of the late 1960’s.     when reading about something like that in the papers i would get the idea that the whole deal was about angry black people.     however, in late 1968 or early 1969 i was living in york pennsylvania when they had their riot… or disturbance… whatever it is that you want to call it.     but suffice it to say, that the whole next block or two over from where i was living at the time burnt to the ground.     as i remember it, i was living on the main east-west drag of town and about four or five blocks east of the town center.     i had a studio apartment on the second floor in one of the old building that was on the north side of the street.     the next block or two to the north were the streets that i remember seeing burn on through the nights of the riots.     the fire was such a bad deal that i wondered at times if it was going to come over and burn down the street and the building that i was in.

however… even though the riots were said to be perpetrated by black people, all i saw for the entire week of the riots were crazy white people.     and when i say ‘crazy’ i am being polite.     what actually started everything and when and how it actually started is not something i ever found out.     all i knew all of a sudden is that there was random gun fire at times out there in the street.     and i mean that it was so bad that if you were living on the ground floor like Rich and Terry was, then you did not walk around standing up at night during that whole week.     no sir.     because it was literally like a war zone out there with bullets flying anywhere, anyplace and anytime.

during the day everything was all quiet.     the national guard was out in the streets riding around in their tanks and other forms of military vehicles.     even though they were riding around in that impressive looking stuff, the guys themselves looked scared.     but when the sun went down they would just disappear and the night belonged to all of the crazy white people.     not that i was out there inspecting everyone so that i could actually take inventory.     rather, a couple of people that i ‘thought’ that i knew came to tell me a time or two during the day about what was going on at night.

the key words to that last paragraph were the words ‘people that i thought i knew’.     because what it was that i observed in these people is probably the strangest thing i have ever seen in human dynamics.     it was as if there is a hidden switch within the psyche of various human creatures.     and when that switch gets turned on… they are all of a sudden SOMEBODY ELSE.     this is no joke.     one of these people is a guy that i had taken a trip to atlantic city, new jersey with.     i spent a whole week with this guy.     i stayed with him and some of his family close to the beach.     i mean, he and i would sit around and talk about life and stuff.     sure, he was one of those guys who was experimenting with drugs to some degree – but almost everybody back then was doing that.     i was not one of those people and would often get into big raps about that with people who were of a mind to experiment.     and i only bring that up here because he was one of those guys who i had deep conversations with about that subject.     but that was not all that we talked about… and because of that i felt we had quite an interesting relationship.     thus, i thought i new this guy.

well, this guy and lots of other people just went immediately berserk once those riots began.     it was as if there is some freak psycho weird part of people that lives just below the surface of sanity just waiting for some excuse to come out and be berserk.     this is not funny, it is really scary to know this.     it makes me think that the ‘civilized’ life that we are living is just a half step away from being totally ‘out of control’.     because the minute these riots started there were people running around at night in gangs with guns doing the most random acts of violence that you could ever imagine.     i don’t watch horror movies, but there were some at one time about people being zombies or something.     well, that is what these people would turn into at night – zombies.     you had people taking a brand new chevrolet suburban, cutting a hole in the roof and making a makeshift turret so they could drive around at night and shoot at people and things and other vehicles.     YES!   i said that they would take a brand new chevrolet suburban, cut a hole into the roof and go around shooting guns at other people and places and things.     they were completely NUTS.     and this guy would come over to me during the day and tell me about stuff they were doing at night as if i would want to go with him and have fun.     these guys were tearing down buildings and stuff and building forts and blockades.     they were just doing all kinds of stuff.     and these were all white guys.     soooo…. were they doing these things and it being blamed on the blacks????     to be honest, i never really knew for sure.     for all i know… it was these crazy guys driving around and burning down all those buildings and the black people getting blamed for it.     i mean… i don’t really know anything except what this crazy guy would come over and tell me during the day.     and it was not just what he told me because this guy’s eyes were looking crazy and his personal energy was like streaking.

i was living in that town for only one reason.     i had left california the year before as a hitch hiker off to see the sights and eventually get to virginia beach, virginia.     but while traveling around the selective service had mailed a request to me to take my physical for the draft.     but i never showed up for the requested physical exam because i was traveling around and not getting any mail.     i had gone to pennsylvania to visit my mother and sister because it was my sister’s birthday and it was sort of ‘on the way’ from where i had been while having that goal of going to virginia beach.     plus, i knew i could get a night’s sleep under a roof and a shower by making this detour.     however, when i got there there i was informed that i was in trouble for not reporting for the physical.     so i went to a local office for the draft and told them what i knew and they told me that i would not be arrested if i stayed in touch while they requested my records from long beach, california.     well, this is a whole story in itself that i might share later, but they lost my records in the mail.     thus everything got all dragged out and i ran totally out of money and had to get a job.     i got a job in a factory and had an accident which amputated one of my fingers which took many months and a few operations to heal.     furthermore, when they finally found my records, i ended up taking my draft physical while already missing my finger and my draft classification became 1Y.     this was great because it meant that i did not have to go to vietnam.     AND… one day while these riots were going on i received my “1Y” draft card in the mail which meant that i could finally LEAVE york pa!     so the next morning i put everything i had into my multi-colored 1948 ford 3/4 ton flatbed truck and simply Drove Out of Town.     it was really funny to be driving down the streets of town in my very hippy painted old ford truck along side of tanks and stuff.     but as soon as i hit the intersection to drive south out of town towards virginia… i waved goodbye to york pa and the riots until the fall of 2005.

in 2005 i was driving around back east and happened to be going south to virginia beach to visit old friends.     when i was looking on the map from where i was in NJ and wanting to miss the big cities of Philly and DC, the best route appeared to take me sort of near york, pa.     so i drove that way and decided to drive through that town just for a sneak peak at that strange place.     but when i got there the whole place was so completely different to what i had remembered that i decided to get something to eat and then call a taxi cab and tell the guy what parts of the old town i would like to see.     that way i could sort of let him be my tour guide and i could just look out the window at whatever i could remember about it.

so the taxi cab comes and it is driven by this really big black guy who i liked right away.     he was a little cautious of me for a while because i was such a different customer with a lot of strange old stories.     and first of all… back then having long hair was strange because it meant that i was a hippy.     but in 2005, having long hair was/is also sort of strange because a lot of the guys who still have long hair are people who have lost it in life and are strange because of it.     i am not trying to be down on myself, but i get that a lot these days when people meet me for the first time because they at first think maybe i am sort of a burned out bum or something.     and actually, i don’t blame them because a lot of people who look like me ARE burned out bums.     so, this guy lets me into his car, but i can see right away that he is trying to figure out whether i am trouble or not.     but once we get things sorted out, everything becomes a neat story.

i basically tell him my condensed history of having lived in york, pa for a year back in 1968-1969 – the draft problem, the factory accident, being one of twenty or thirty hippies in town and the closing chapter of the riots and stuff.     i also described as best i could the two different places where it was that i had lived, where i had worked and so forth.     well it turns out that this guy was maybe about five years old back then and starts telling me the stories of what it was like for him at that age.     and this was really great because he starts telling me what he as a black guy and his neighborhood and culture thought about us hippies living in his town in that time period.     he starts telling me how we were thought of as being people of change and how they looked upon us as weird heroes or symbols of betterment or truth or something.   it was not as if we were really heroes because we had no power to do anything, but it was the fact that we were standing up for a better life.     so he drives me around and shows me where i had been living and it turns out i did not have to try too hard to tell him where that was.     he says he knows where that was because when he was about five years old, that he and his friends would ride over the two blocks or so on their bikes to where we lived and wait around till they saw one of us.   then he says they would flash us a peace sign with their two raised up fingers and then race away real fast back home. :-) :-)     i just cannot tell you how much fun that was to have that conversation with that guy!

then we got into the part about the riots.     that was not as fun to talk about.     but i told him what it was that i remembered about that time and them crazy white guys.     and he just sort of nods his head at me and tells me that for many years after that there were big things that happened in the court system.     and by the time it was all over a couple of them actually went to prison for a while.     and all i could do was look at him and shake my head at how sick life tends to be.     he and i both knew it, we could both validate that in each other’s face, but it did not make any of it go away.     what is sick is still sick.     but i will never forget the honesty and solemn nature of that big black guy.     he was getting by as a forty something cab driver, had his family and his life and his truth… and the world continues to spin out of control while the real answers about the sanctity of life seem to be getting pushed farther and farther away.

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THE ELOHIM
this stuff is real.     these guys are all over the place.     call them angels, inter dimensional beings, the heavenly hosts or whatever you want…   but they are definitely REAL.     i started meditating in earnest about six years ago while living in portland oregon.     i did not know it at the time, but as it turns out, it was a pretty safe place to meditate.     afterwards, i moved back to a small town in arizona and ran into all kinds of riffraff that i had to start learning how to protect myself from.     but while in portland i started running into these small beings with proportionally larger heads and spindly arms.     these guys were really sweet and friendly.     i also ran into a much larger being that was a little taller than myself, a larger head as well and radiated so much bristling positive light energy that i could never describe with words.     except to say that when i was about four years old i had my first encounter with the Presence of Jesus.     and during the mid seventies i had quite a few encounters with Him.     and in one of these encounters He radiated So Much Positive Light Energy it was almost blinding.     i mention this encounter here for only one reason:   that this larger headed being and Jesus both radiated the Same Positive Light Energy.     sooo… i just naturally figure they both come from the same place.     furthermore, the first time i was allowed or given a pre-scheduled experienctial visit by the large headed being, he had asked for my permission for a couple of weeks leading up to that moment.     and i might as well go ahead and say right here that he brought a friend to that encounter – about a six-and-a-half to seven foot tall preying mantis being.     that was a trip!     because for a couple of weeks this guy kept approaching me for permission to come and say hello and it was sort of scary.     but eventually i gave in to the idea that it would be okay and i could feel him coming my way as soon as i relaxed my self about it and was sending willing mental signals.     well, the suddenness of the fact that it was about to happen in maybe the next moment was not something i was really ready for – so i became immediately obstinate:   saying something like:   “hey, wait a minute.     wait till i am over my sore throat and i feel better and not so vulnerable!     i had had this really bad sore throat for a while and i was feeling pretty down about it.     i could feel his presence pull back as soon as i said that and i then relaxed.     then later that night around eleven pm the two of them just popped into my bedroom in full physical form.     it was such a sight… so amazing to look at the two of them… they had So Much Good Energy… the Mantis Being was feminine and exhibiting such a radiation of Love Energy that awe could be the only word to depict it.     and this Love Energy was not enslaving as if i was put into some kind of over powering trance.     it was rather as if She was a Personification of Love.     and then She stretched out Her two front paws (arms?) and placed them on my upper chest, leaned towards me, and as i could feel the weight of Her body through Her two arms – She then dropped Her pointed shaped head towards my neck and zapped me in the throat with some sort of high energy expression.     as this was taking place, the guy with the large head to Her right and my left was taking this all in and was So Happy about it that He was almost laughing.     i mean, that His forehead was beaming so much energy that it was simply incredible.     then She pulled back from leaning upon my chest and the two of them went into a goodbye mode and disappeared upwards and towards the right a little.     i mean, they just went whoosh!     and there i was just standing there so amazed.     after that i went to bed and woke up twelve hours later totally healed from my really bad sore throat.

*

a few days later i was sitting on the side of my bed and came to this place where i was feeling like a real schmo because these beings were obviously SO much more advanced than anything i had any concept about and here i was treating them like they were the harbingers of of doom and gloom.     so i became reverent and humble, said i was sorry and asked where they are from.     and later that summer night i was out riding my bicycle and thinking about them when i could feel them talking with me.     they were indicating to me where they were from in the form of an experience.     it was a warm clear evening and the moon was quite bright and a little more than 3/4 full.     the experience that was being shared with me was allowing me to be in two places at once.     one place was in my body while riding my bike and the other was a place out in space which was getting farther and farther away from the earth.     eventually i was so far out there that the moon was like a very tiny little dot, yet from that view i was being shown that where they were from was so much farther out there that i would not even be able to fathom just how small the moon was.

Then i remembered an experience i had when i was a senior in high school.     i was sitting in a chair at the dinning room table when these beings came into the room and stayed up in the corner of the room near the ceiling.     they indicated that they were from a place that our solar system to them would be like an atom to me in the leg of the chair that i was sitting in.     as i started to try and conceive of just how small an atom of the leg of that chair would be to me, they went on to tell me a message:     that the physical nature of matter as we know it is regulated by an energy net that is much finer than the particles of an atom.     that this energy net is what determines such things as the coefficient of friction, how crystals grow and so on.     and that this energy net was going to change in the future which would cause everything that we rely on in our physical reality to stop working because the very characteristics of our entire physical reality would instantly change.     then they gave me a visual of cars driving along a road and how they were all of a sudden crashing into one another because things like the breaks and the steering were not working.     then they all just left.

so… that night on my bike, these beings were showing me that they were from the same place that those other beings were from back when i was in high school.     and the farther i got out there and the smaller the moon became, the other part of me that was still riding around on my bike started looking at other things in a relative context.     things such as this new volks wagon i was was passing while on my bike.     being somebody who has rebuilt an engine i knew just how small some of the parts in the motor can be.     so… when i started comparing in my mind just how small those parts could be relative to the size of the moon while yet seeing from some other place how small the moon was, then it became totally amazing to me that the parts in the motor of that volks wagon could be sooooo small and Still Work!

*

it was in my meditations at times that i started seeing the smaller beings – maybe just a little shorter than i am when sitting in a chair.     maybe 3-1/2 feet tall or so.     but Very Sweet… So Polite… So Hopeful.     for a long time in life i could not make a lot of progress with my meditations because energies would become really difficult for me.     and once i became totally committed to trying to get somewhere with my meditations this problem became worse.     i would experience violent energy battles in the area around and above my crown chakra.     this would at times even make for head aches in that region.     but i did my best to persevere.     then one night as i was meditating a group of maybe four or five of the smaller beings came up to me and said that they were going to come and get me that night.     the communication felt reassuring and purposeful.     and that night in sort of a dream/astral experience i was taken to a place that seemed like it could have been northern florida.     i say that because the surrounding area seemed like swamp land and the building itself was nothing exceptional – similar to a single wide mobile home.     i was lying face down on an operating table and they had removed this creature from my back.     they showed it to me as they released it onto the floor near the door that went outside.     i have been involved in the past with removing an energy leaching entity from another person.     and once the dark entity was expelled, it becomes really confused and disoriented.     at that time i got between that entity and the person it had been removed from and then escorted it to a safe place away from the other person until (through prayer) some higher authority came and took the entity away.     well, this creature that they removed from my back that night was about a sixteen or eighteen inch long small alligator looking thing with chubby arms and feet.     definitely not friendly looking and obviously all of a sudden seeming to be lost and disorientated.     reminded me of the exorcism experience i had been involved with many years before.     the beings in charge opened the door to the outside and i could see that it looked something like a swamp out there and this creature sort of wandered its way through the door and went outside.     the door was closed and that is all i remember of the experience upon waking the next morning.     however, from that point on i never experienced any energy discomfort in and above my crown chakra.     i was able to meditate with a clear energy field up there from that time onward.     so, to say the least, i am very thankful for the gift of helpfulness that i received under the attention of those nice beings.

*

i have suffered a lot in my life because i am so idealistic, have been so willing to be helpful, so believing in Good over Evil.     but in this world these are impractical things or concepts.     yet i have come to realize that beings who provide positive seeming guidance are even more idealistic than i am and give advice and guidance according to just such perspectives.     these beings come from such a positive light endowed place that they just reek of electrically charged positive energy.     i am reminded of an Edgar Cayce reading that said we have a choice in whom we can receive help and guidance from and gave the following advice:     that it would be best if we would seek a relationship with and help from the risen Lord Jesus because, unlike any of the available angels, he has walked upon this earth and understands the trials and difficulties that the earth beholds for us.     this paradigm has become quite evident to me over the last few years.     and with respect to same, i am beginning to see that such is just part of our growth as fully conscious creative beings.     sort of a moderation in all things sense of self responsibility.     sort of an ever need of mastering the Yin Yang symbol.     and i am reminded of a saying from the Edgar Cayce readings;   “That there is so much bad in the best of us, and so much good in the worse of us, that we had best find no evil in any of us.”

somewhere in my pattern in this life i think that having a girl friend or a partner was an important cog in how my life was intended to play itself out.     however, my marriage of five years was so unsupportive and so unharmonious to an open hearted partnership ideal, that i became infinitely picky hencforth.     furthermore, on the heals of that marriage i was in a relationship for a short period that was So Fulfilling for me, the lady was so enchanting to my heart that for once in my life i had a valid standard for how nice it could be to love and appreciate someone.     i also developed some really idealistic ideas about sexuality that were totally impractical to any normal person.     so… the odds of finding someone who could fall through all those filters became really impractical.     and as i got older i got more and more secure within myself and less and less interested in having someone come into my life that i would have to make concessions towards in terms of the life standards i had been cultivating.     however, about seven years ago, a lot of synchronistic guidance began to happen in my life towards getting me involved with a lady.     some of this activity was Very Pointed and unmistakable.     however, each time this would happen, there were aspects to it that caused me to really question how or why this or that lady would actually be a good choice.     then, with regard to one instance, i had little doubt about the general quality of the lady, but i found that in approaching her (as i felt i was guided to do), was bad timing for her personally.     it became quite evident that she was in such a tentative time or challenged state in her life that i felt it was really not fair that i had approached her.     thus, since something impractical had come to light with regard to a number of different instances, i lost my cool and got really mad at whoever was sending me all this ‘guidance’.     i called them into the room and asked why this was happening, why was i being encouraged to approach this or that woman when it was obvious that there was or would be such problems?     and they came right back with the statement that they base everything upon Potential.     if the potential is really good, then they try and make something happen.     Period.

well… this really set be back.     i am really pretty thin skinned.     i am really self conscious about not wanting to disturb another in an attempt to befriend someone.     thus, i lean towards caution rather than risk taking.     in terms of seeking a possible relationship based upon kindness i try to pave the way forward with kindness.     if it does not seem to be received and returned in a manner that stimulates more kindness, then i withdraw.     i am not looking to possess anything.     i would rather desire to discover goodness without disturbing.

to me there is a big difference between someone needing help and someone who would make a good partner.     if it looks like the person needs to be carved up and re-prioritized in order to seem harmonious to my sense of reverence for life, then i would tend to see that person as a project rather than someone that i could learn from and gain support from.     so i then began to distrust all this unasked for, unrequested guidance to find a feminine partner.     when i was younger i think i had a diminished self opinion of myself.     i use to think that if i met someone who was sort of ‘run over’ by life and she were to find herself to be treated nicely and fairly by me, then i would be appreciated and trusted all the more.     but then i learned that to look for something of a victim in life was not such a good idea because there really are no victims, that we are always meeting self.     so i became content with the idea of being content with myself.     so, in practical terms, why i was getting all this spontaneous guidance to find a partner was a bit of a mystery – especially when i had trouble making sense of any of the ladies that were a part of that guidance.     so i have become quite leery of such experiences.

* * *

i like the natural context of where i am living now.     i mean…   to be able to walk outside at 1 AM and hear the ocean while looking up at tons of bright stars…   wow!   it is just sooo beautiful.     or sit here and type after a fun day and hear the ocean in the background…   or to be driving somewhere like today and thinking about whatever, and to look up off to the right and see the sun glistening off of an endless looking ocean…. beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

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